## 3. CHEMISTRY

#### Subsections

- 3. chemistry - general
- 3.1 chemistry poetry
- 3.2 chemistry quotes
- 3.3 chemical puns
- 3.4 in the lab
- 3.5 chemical dictionary
- 3.6 chemists
- 3.7 elements
- 3.8 H20

### 3.6 CHEMISTS

Index | Comments and Contributions | previous page

chemistry
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    Special Category: Top Reasons
                              REASONS TO BE A CHEMIST

    From: NOSPAMjmllab@lightspeed.net (T.A. Vera) "George D. McCallion"
    ; <chem@bellatlantic.net> ; dale@ox.mc.edu (Chris Dale) ; (Rick Fletcher)
    ; fletcher@news.uidaho.edu ; idigruach@aol.com (IDIGRUACH) ;
    ; M.J.Pitt@shef.ac.uk (M J Pitt)

    - All the coffee and pocket protectors you could want!
    - Clark Kent style safety glasses.
    - Exposure to all kinds of toxic and cencerous substances.
    - The "opportunity" to deal with irate clients asking "where are my
      results?"
    - Because it's pHun :)
    - Access to 100% pure ethanol
    - Knowing how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies
    - You never have to worry about what you're doing on Friday night
        (You're working in the lab)
    - Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.
    - You hope someday to be able to use the word "buckyballs" without bursting
      into a fit of laughter.
    - You wish to be blamed for all faults in the environment.
    - ditto for cancer
    - You are adept at poverty cooking
    - You prefer to get your course credits the hard way

chemistry
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    Special Category: You might be a scientist if...

                             YOU MIGHT BE A CHEMIST IF
    From:         wpenrose@interaccess.com (William R. Penrose)

    - You keep a picture of Mme. Curie over your desk -- and it turns you on.
    - You named your firstborn after one of the lanthanides, and than felt
      compelled to have more until you had the whole set.
    - When you had an unexpected sixteenth child, you just had to name him
      actinium, and now you're not sure how to stop.
    - You know that Anal. Chem. is not the title of a raunchy video.
    - You think that fresh air smells bad.
    From:         "Rebecca M. Chamberlin" <rmchamberlin@lanl.gov>
    You pronounce "unionized" with 4 syllables....
    From:         Rich Lemert <RLemert@continet.com>
    - You're a chemist if you wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom.
    From:         Rob Buckley <R.Buckley@sct.gu.edu.au>
    - you played with explosives as a kid - and still have all you're
    fingers.
    - you're favorite activity is testing the water in the fish tank - and
    you don't even have any fish..  (if you have fish, you are a
    biochemist).
    - you wonder just _what_ the lubricant in that condom is made from...

    From: René Henninger <Dalamar.Argent@gmx.net>
    - you know you are a chemist if you are distilling your own alcohol
    - you know you are a chemist if you heard another explosion without it
    bothering you!

chemistry
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    Special Category: Famous last words
    From:         Mooseman@FATE.ohz.north.de (Bjoern "Mooseman" Harste)

    (Blame JV for the translation from German.)

    The last words of a chemist:
    1.  And now the tasting test.
    2.  May that become hot?
    3.  And now a little bit from this...
    4.  ... and please keep that test tube alone!
    5.  And now shake it a bit.
    6.  Why is there no label on this bottle?
    7.  In which glass was my mineral water?
    8.  The bunschen burnes *is* out!
    9.  Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
    10. *H* stands for Nitrogen - and that does *not* burn...
    11. Oh, now I have spilt something...
    12. First the acid, then the water...
    13. And now the detonating gas problem.
    14. This is a completely safe experimental setup.
    15. Where did I put my gloves?
    16. O no, wrong beaker...
    17. The fire alarm is just being tested.
    18. Now you can take the protection window away...
    19. And now keep ith constat at 24 degrees celsius, 25... 26... 27...
    20. Peter can you please help me.  Peter!?!  Peeeeeteeeeer?!?!?!?
    21. I feel it how long 15 seconds are!
    22. Something is wrong here...
    23. Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?
    24. Trust me - I know what I am doing.
    25. And now a cigarette...

chemistry
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    From: Chris Morton   (mortoncp@nextwork.rose-hulman.edu)
    do it collection

    Special Category: Scientists do it...

    Chemical engineers do it in packed beds.
    Chemists do it in test tubes.
    Chemists do it in the fume hood.
    Chemists do it periodically on table.
    Chemists do it reactively.
    Chemists like to experiment.
    Electrochemists have greater potential.
    From: skreyn@netcom.com (Veggie Boy = Sean K Reynolds)

    Polymer chemists do it in chains.
    From:         "Western Research Center" <user@company.com>
    Toxicologists do it till they're half-dead.

chemistry
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    From: "Ted Smith" <tcsmith@calweb.com>
    Chemists have nice reactions.

chemistry
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    Special Category: Old scientists never die...

    From: jay.freedman@pacsibm.org (Jay Freedman)

    Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
    From: bill.considine@execnet.com (BILL CONSIDINE)
     DeLuxe 1.1 #9385

    Old chemists never die they just reach equilibrium
    From: wmaya@csupomona.edu (Walter Maya)

    Old chemists never die, they just smell that way.
    From: Tim.Nelson@Canada.ATTGIS.COM (list of Old * Never Die, they just)

    OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically
    OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes
    From: "Dr. Gulshan Wadhwa" <ishan60@hotmail.com>
    old chemists never die, only their entropy increases
    From: Philip Clarke <clar0318@flinders.edu.au>
    Organic Chemists do it on the bench. But seriously, its pHun!

chemistry biology
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    From: Philip Clarke <clar0318@flinders.edu.au>
    Why to date a chemist/biochemist:
    Biochemist knows what to do with "biomass"!!!
    Organic chemists know how to cleave Double Bonds.

chemistry
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    From:         roberts@ucunix.san.uc.edu (Michael A. Roberts)

    Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to
    discuss the following words:

    mole
    unionized

    As he so eloquently put it, "If he starts talking about furry animals
    and organized labor, keep walking."

physics chemistry
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    Make it myself?  But I'm a physical organic chemist!

chemistry
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    From: Joachim Verhagen.
    Special Category: Famous last words

                                 Famous last words

    Chemistry teacher: And if you combine the base and the acid just right, you
    can safely drink it.

    Chemist: What kind of tea is this?

    Chemist: Why do they keep that under oil?  It wil be much safer under water.

New after last time posted (February 28, 2004) chemistry
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    From: "Katrien De Gusseme" <katriendegusseme@hotmail.com>

    The head of our department, was a professor who liked his titles very
    much. The name tag on his office door read "professor PhD engineer xxx,
    director of the laboratories of petrochemical engineering". And he always
    introduced himself as "professor, PhD engineer xxx". He used to work in the
    industry and was still very keen on "shaking hands", as he called it, with
    people from the industry (no doubt to get research funds).

    One fine day, we had a plant visit and we drove there by bus (or whole
    chemical engineering group was about 7 people, so we had a mini-bus) but
    the professor came directly from his home. We were there first and were
    introduced to some people, then they offered us a drink, while waiting for
    our professor to arrive.

    About fifteen minutes later, he arrived, looked around the room and went to
    the first person he saw and didn't recognize as one of his students or
    assistants, shaking hands and introducing himself in his familiar way. We
    all turned our heads to hear the reply:

    "nice to meet you, I'm Jeff, the bus driver.

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 3. chemistry - general
- 3.1 chemistry poetry
- 3.2 chemistry quotes
- 3.3 chemical puns
- 3.4 in the lab
- 3.5 chemical dictionary
- 3.6 chemists
- 3.7 elements
- 3.8 H20

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