## 4. BIOLOGY

#### Subsections

- 4. biology - general
- 4.1 biology poetry
- 4.2 biology quotes
- 4.3 biology puns
- 4.4 cloning
- 4.5 biochemistry
- 4.6 evolution
- 4.7 mice and rats
- 4.8 cell biology
- 4.9 bacteria

### 4.1 BIOLOGY POETRY

Index | Comments and Contributions | previous page

biology
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    From: George Mayhew <mayhew@midgaard.genetics.wisc.edu> http://www.genetics.wisc.edu/staff/mayhew/
    One truth in life is the need to laugh at difficult situations.  Humour can
    make a difficult task more enjoyable.  I think that this group
    ( news:bionet.genome.autosequencing ) is uniquely suited to understand the
    repetitious nature of high throughput sequencing.  So I'm passing along a
    piece of humour constructed by one of our lab technicians.  Feel free to
    pass it along to your technicians or anyone else who might appreciate the
    inside humour.

    (with sincere apologies to the musical group Chumbawumba)

    "Labgrumping"

            (to the tune of "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba)

    I take gels down, and put 'em up again,
            and I run 'em for another round.
    I take gels down, and put 'em up again,
            and I run 'em for another round.

    Sequencing DNA, sequencing DNA.

    We wash the plates again, we pour the gels again,
            we wash the gels again, we flip the combs again,

    Then we retrack and extract all the gel files,
            then we analyze and dump all the sample files.

    No life for me, life for me, life for meeee....

    I take gels down, and put 'em up again,
            and I run 'em for another round.
    I take gels down, and put 'em up again,
            and I run 'em for another round.

    Adapted by:
    Guy Peyrot
    E.coli Genome Center
    gpeyrot@genetics.wisc.edu

biology
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    From: "John F. Reynolds" <reynolds@informix.com>
    This poem was a favorite of Walter Hempfling, Microbiology professor at the
    University of Rochester, and one of the finest teachers I ever had.  I
    don't know his source.

    Two cells of E. coli were wandering slowly
    Down the gastrointestinal tract.
    An F+ was he, an F- was she,
    And their membranes were bound to attract.

    Now the dainty F- was born in a sinus
    Where her members did seldom trespass,
    But the brawnt F+ was spawned in some pus,
    And produced both acid and gas.

    A kiss he had stolen, down deep in the colon;
    "Don't touch me", she said, "or I'll scream!
    I have no protection, and an F+ infection
    Would spoil my maidenly dream."

    So the poor lonely fella withdrew his flagella
    And worshipped her from afar;
    "At least", he said, "wait, till I can mutate
    And come back an HFR."

biology
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    From: "post.flinders.edu.au" <ogbk@flinders.edu.au>
                               The Sequencers Lament

    To the tune of "Send in the Clowns"

    So this is it,
    A few bases to go,
    I've tried and I've tried but the techniques's so slow.
    I've poured my gels,
    I've run quite a few.
    Full of bubbles, they leaked and why I never knew.
    But where are the clones?
    I've got to have clones,
    The end is so near.

    Is my broth rich?
    Does it look clear?
    Contamination is something I always fear.
    Are my plaques blue?
    They shouldnt be,
    No DNA left I'm down on my knees,
    So give me some clones?
    I've got to have clones,
    The end is so near.

    I've had bad preps,
    There've been quite a few,
    Ive tried all brands of PEG, fresh buffers, but nothing would do.
    And though they say,
    Solutions will keep,
    In my hands they last no more than a week.
    So send me some clones?
    I've got to have clones,
    The end is so near.

    I've read my gels,
    My eyes are quite sore,
    There's still sequence missing, of this I am sure.
    But there it is!!
    Finally done.
    I've conquered this fragment and now I have won.
    Whats's this I hear?
    A voice from the door.
    My supervisor wants 10kb more!
    So give me some clones,
    I've got to have clones,
    Or I'll be here all year!

    Bill Kalionis

biology
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    From: "rusty" <rustysmith@cyber-wizard.com>
    A biologist of world renown
    says a chromosome's gender is found
    by being so bold
    as to take a good hold
    of it's genes...and then pull them down.

biology
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                                  ODE TO A CLONE
    By John Scalzi (wwwscalzi@aol.com)

    (This originally appeared in America Online's "Howdy"
    area on March 6th.)

    Oh clone, my clone, how can you bear it
    To exist knowing you have only one parent?
    No zygote you, when haploid cells met
    You were produced with a full chromosome set.
    And now I can see that you are confused
    To discover your genes have arrived slightly used.
    To answer your questions is the aim of this poem
    You who are like me, my clone, oh my clone.

    You were not produced from between sweaty sheets
    In fact, you arose from cells scraped off of my cheek.
    Your genes gently placed in an egg we provided
    And then shocked with a current until they divided.
    You sat there a while till it was time to fish
    That thing that was you from that petri dish.
    (And though it may seem churlish at this time to mention,
    we suspect that the dish had post-partum depression).

    Oh clone, my clone, don't feel angst or feel grief
    Because the genes that you have are not bought but are leased.
    You have no mother, but that's no impediment
    Indeed, you've bypassed the whole Complex of Oedipus.
    To your one parent you can always relate
    To do otherwise is a form of self hate.
    Who can tell us apart when we answer the phone?
    No one at all, my clone, oh my clone.

    Think of all the experiences we'll have!
    (That is, once they allow you to go from the lab).
    I'll take you to places that I've already been
    So you can see them once more for the first time again.
    Let's go to work, where I think we will find
    That we'll get twice as much done in just half the time.
    And should we play tennis, our opponents have troubles
    As they must play singles, but we shall play doubles.

    Oh clone, my clone, I see you are vexed
    By ethical issues admittedly complex.
    If you are my clone, are you wed to my wife?
    And would having two husbands cause marital strife?
    Suppose that we clone her? Then what would that be?
    Bigamy, polygamy, or polyandry?
    Oh, the guilt I would have would go to the bone
    If I accidentally slept with your wife, oh my clone.

    Perhaps it would be better if we lived all our days
    Away from each other -- and go separate ways.
    I would stay here and live with my mate
    And you would take yours to some other state
    Perhaps to Alaska, with Northern Lights blue
    To live off the land, in a hut or igloo.
    And with a deep sense of pride all my friends would be shown
    Many pictures of your house, a Nome clone dome home.

    Oh clone, my clone, you impressive feat
    The one person born with no help from gametes.
    When you have troubles getting yourself to sleep
    Do you think on your compatriot, Dolly the sheep?
    It's true that we both share our genetic information
    But I know that your mind performs its own peregrinations.
    In the end I am me, and you are just you alone
    You are your own person, my clone, oh my clone.

biology
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    Keith Bostic <bostic@bostic.com>
    MARY HAD A LITTLE FLOCK

    Mary had a little lamb,
       then two and three and four.
    And each a perfect replica
       of all that went before.
    The followed her to school one day
       which was against the rule.
    It made the children laugh and play
       to see her flock at school.
    The teacher turned the woolies out
       to wait the bell at four.
    But when the children tried to leave
       more sheep had jammed the door.
    "What makes those lambs love Mary so?"
       The eager children fish.
    Says teacher, dialing 9-1-1:
       "She's got the Petri dish."

    Toronto Sun

biology
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    From: "Norma van der Plaas" <NorMa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au>

    Mary had a little lamb,
    Its fleece was slightly grey,
    It didn't have a father,
    Just some borrowed DNA.

    It sort of had a mother,
    Though the ovum was on loan,
    It was not so much a lambkin,
    As a little lamby clone.

    And soon it had a fellow clone,
    And soon it had some more,
    They followed her to school one day,
    All cramming through the door.

     It made the children laugh and sing,
    The teachers found it droll,
    There were too many lamby clones,
    For Mary to control.

     No other could control the sheep,
     Since their programs didn't vary,
     So the scientists resolved it all,
     By simply cloning Mary.

     But now they feel quite sheepish,
    Those scientists unwary,
     One problem solved, but what to do,
     With Mary, Mary, Mary...
    ~ unk

    Norma van der Plaas B.Bs (Hons) Univ.of H.K.

biology
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    From: Randy Willis <willis@gandalf.psf.sickkids.on.ca>
    (from news:bionet.microbiology --by someone signing as Yersinia)
    Special Category: Christmas Science Jokes
    (1) A Mad Scientist Christmas

    Twas the night before Christmas and all thru my house,
    Not a specimen was stirring, not even a louse.
    The test tubes were capped and the rat cages closed,
    The mold cultures fuzzy, the mice in repose.
    The oven kept warm the ebola and pox,
    I still need to locate my husband's clean socks...
    But that has to wait till tomorrow, I know;
    My buggies still need that much more time to grow.

    When from the kitchen came a massive explosion,
    I leapt from my bed in perpetual motion.
    Grabbing my lab coat I pulled on my pants,
    Struggling into them a sick sort of dance.
    With fury and haste I put on a shirt,
    Running out of the bedroom on feet black with dirt.
    Buttoning my lab coat and donning a mask,
    I ran into the kitchen holding an Erlenmeyer flask.

    I nearly passed out when the man who I saw,
    dressed in containment gear sealed without flaw,
    Held high a huge sack with his arm stiff and straight,
    I could tell he must have a hard time with his weight.
    Through the mike from his suit he said without pause,
    "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas, I'm Hanta Claus!"
    Over his shoulder he hefted the sack,
    We walked into the living room, I offered a snack.
    He took it and smiled, placed the sack by my bench,
    Instantly I noticed the Clostridium stench.
    Brimming with joy, I cried out with glee,
    "Did you bring all of these germies for me?"
    "Oh yes," said Hanta, "I must show propriety;
    By bringing you microbes, I'm saving society.
    "You are the only one who loves these diseases.
    Therefore I'm glad to oblige who it pleases."

    Delirious with excitement I sat by his side
    While he gave me a year's stock of microscope slides,
    And pasteur pipettes, drug resistant bacteria,
    Such as staph, strep and cultures from the genus Neisseria.

    The gleam in my eyes caused the house to be lit,
    The moment he gave me a gram-staining kit,
    Clostridium tetani, perfringens and sporogenes,
    Salmonella typhi and Streptococcus pyogenes!
    Plus viruses known to produce hepatitis,
    Herpes, and rabies, yellow fever and meningitis!
    But that was not all, he had parasites too,
    Plasmodia, trypanosomes and schistosomes true!
    Tapeworms and roundworms, plague-carrying fleas.
    How sincerely generous, Hanta did aim to please!

    At long last he said he must now go away,
    His sled was experiencing radioactive decay.
    "Thanks for the presents," I said, shaking his hand,
    "They'll keep me off the streets, you understand."

    Hanta Claus smiled and bid me goodnight,
    Shouting "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good blight!"
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (2) Hark! The Streptococcus Brings
     (Melody: "Hark! The Herald = Angels Sing")

    Hark! the Streptococcus brings
    Strep sore throat to all who sing,
    Chloraseptic doesn't cure it
    Other people's sneezing lures it.
    If the strep bug has a virus
    Scarlet fever then arises,
    Cross reaction with the heart
    Causes it to come apart,
    Hark! the Streptococcus totes,
    Toxin and fire to all it smotes.

    Pneumonia makes you cough and wheeze,
    Mucus fills the lungs with sleaze
    A viscous greenish oozing cloak,
    That causes you to gasp and choke
    Without water you can drown
    If you breathe the strep germ down
    Hark! The Streptococcus breeds
    The misery of a bad disease

    Of fecal strep in food beware,
    Methane gas befouls the air,
    Speedily you drop your pants
    As if they held live fire ants
    On the toilet you are dying
    Bent in pain, guts liquefying
    Hail! the Streptococcus means
    Glory to those who would be lean
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (3) O Humid Night (Melody: "O Holy Night")

    O Humid Night
    Anopheline mosquitoes
    Are circling you in the hope of a meal.
    She takes a bite, saliva from her mouthparts
    Drool parasites which you can't see or feel

    Your brain can get sick,
    You will have a coma
    After the rage and the headaches have passed
    You're veggie soup, home to protozoa,
    Mosquito lands, time to go home at last..

    Fall on your knees,
    Pale, burning with fever
    Plasmodia
    Are in your blood, were in your spleen
    Malaria
    There's no real cure, just in your dreams...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    (4) Away in a Test Tube (Melody: "Away in a Manger")

    Away in a test tube
    My plague cultures grow
    On nutrient agar
    Mankind's greatest foe

    It's easy to grow them
    If one does it right
    At thirty-five Celsius
    All day and all night

    Once they are ready
    You can let them go
    To sicken the masses
    With pus-filled buboes.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Van der waals with boughs of holly..."

biology
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    From: awillis@ix.netcom.com (al willis)
          Orig.  Al Willis

    This Salk by the name of Jonas
    Promised wealth and a title and bonus
       To these monkeys called Rhesus
       Who agreed, "You can lease us,"
    But don't come on strong like you own us."

biology
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    From: Adrian Thompson <service@personal-abc.com>

         My Cold

    You became part of me,
    just when, I'm not quite sure.
    Most Likely in the subway,
    where the air is not so pure.

    Borne by airborne droplets,
    sprayed out by some sneeze,
    from some afflicted victim,
    then carried by the breeze.

    First my throat was sore.
    Now my nose is streaming.
    Viri in my head and chest,
    Their numbers must be teeming.

    It seems unthinkable
    that such a tiny sphere
    300 Angstroms wide
    has left me lying here.

    But, I know this is an old war
    my body's fought before.
    Little does this virus know
    what there is in store.

    In my spleen the leucocytes
    issued with their warrant,
    spill out into my blood
    and are carried by the torrent.

    Into all capillaries
    and annexes they stray,
    seeking virus O-1-4
    until they find their prey.

    "Feed a cold" someone said.
    I ate and drank my fill.
    Knowing that more leucocytes
    would go in for the kill.

    Now I am much better.
    My head is feeling clear.
    A day in bed to sweat it out
    has brought the end quite near.

    Here is the epilogue:
    Just when I thought I'd won,
    I looked up at Fabienne
    and knew I'd passed it on!

      © Adrian Thompson 1996-1999

biology
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    From: awillis@ix.netcom.com (al willis)
          Orig.  Al Willis

    From bionet.general Thu Apr 27 10:06:46 1995
    The transplant had finally started.
    The incision was carefully charted.
      The dog was just sliced,
      And the chicken was spliced,
    And the dog is now chicken-hearted.

biology
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    From: awillis@ix.netcom.com (al willis)

    Sal is feared by all of us,
    But he's a decent fella.
    His label is a handicap:
    His name is Sal Monella. -- Al Willis

biology
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    From: Ibelgaufts@vms.biochem.mpg.de (H Ibelgaufts)

    Bacterial Genetics

    When studying bacterial mating
    Lederberg found it frustrating
    to make things look nice
    and do everything twice
    he invented replica plating

    Reassociation kinetics:

    A scientist studying Cot
    and to him it meant rather a lot
    the lines that he plotted
    were very much dotted
    but the referee thought it was Rot

biology
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    From: mazda@basic2.kpu-m.ac.jp (Osam Mazda)

    A Scientist thought of a theory on lymphocyte
    after drinking overnight
    The theory became complicated more and more
    until finally nobody understood it any more
    And the reality was not also in his sight

biology
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    From: peterk@sci.kun.nl (Peter Klaren)

    A couple of years ago I bought The Biochemist's Songbook. It's great! It's
    got all major biological pathways described and set to the tune of
    popular (folk) songs.

    Allright, I'll give an example....

    *** Protein Synthesis *** (tune: My Bonnie Is Over The Ocean )

    The primary sequence of proteins
    Is coded within DNA
    On the sense strand of the double helix
    coiled antiparallel way

    (chorus:)
    Intron and exons
    changes are posttranscriptional, and all
    Glycosylations
    Don't alter such basics at all

    (... and so on for about 15 stanzas. The synthesis of proteins from DNA is a
    complex pathway....)

    One of my favourites:

    *** The Michaelis Anthem *** (tune: The Red Flag)

    The substrate changed by an enzyme
    Initially, in unit time
    Varies, if not in excess
    With substrate concentration, [S]
    If enzyme concentration's low
    And reaction back from product's slow
    Then if we choose a steady state
    Velocity and [S] relate.

    This relationship can be derived
    As Briggs and Haldane first contrived:
    The unbound enzyme, [E], we guess
    Is [E0] (total), less [ES]
    k1[S][E] gives [ES] formation
    and k2[ES], dissociation
    And [ES] gives the product, P,
    At a rate that's [ES] times k3

    When [ES] is at the steady state
    These terms are all seen to relate
    ([E0] less [ES]) times k1[S]
    Equals (k2 + k3) times [ES]
    Now the maximum velocity
    is k3[E0], (or big V)
    These terms can be manipulated
    If one more definition's stated

    Define as Km (just for fun)
    (k2 + k3) on k1
    And note that v (velocity)
    Is always [ES] times k3
    Then rearranging these equations
    We get the final rate equation
    V times [S] on Km + [S]
    is v (initial) - more or less

    OK, one more taster....

    *** The Respiratory Chain *** (tune: Battle Hymn of The Republic)

    My eyes have seen the glory of respiratory chain
    In every mitochondrium intrinsic to membranes
    Functionally organised in complex sub-domaines
    Where electron flow along

    (chorus)
    Glory, glory respiration
    Glory, glory respiration
    Glory, glory respiration
    Where electrons flow along

    (etc., etc.)

biology
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    From: ez005881@dale.ucdavis.edu (Noel Fong)

    There was once a cloner named Hector,
    who had problems in his private sector,
    his wife was depressed,
    'cos his genes weren't experessed,
    for lack of a functioning vector!

biology
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    From: mini-AIR
    A biology prof name of Caster
    Had a project she knew would outlast her,
    For it was most complex,
    Aimed at changing the sex
    Of drosophila melanogaster.
            --Don Homuth

    Finally, a try at Don Homuth's effort might give, allowing
    (illegally)an extra unaccented syllable at the end:

    A biology prof name of Cast-
    er who's project she wanted to last
    Took an idea complex
    Aimed at changing the sex
    Of drisophila melanogaster.
                            -- Jay M. Pasachoff

    [Based on a TRUE event that occurred in 1965, when I was a lab assistant at
    North Dakota State University:]
    The zoology coed did squirm
    At the lab quiz that ended the term.
    When asked "What are tadpoles?",
    (In the specimen bowls),
    She wrote down "They are elephant sperm."
         --David Hormuth

    A research professor (Renee),
    Cloned people from ape DNA.
    The project went well,
    Anyone can tell,
    'Cause they're members of congress today.
         --Frank Weisel  Montgomery County Public Schools, Rockville, MD

biology
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    From: Hugh Baker <drhugh@idirect.com>
    What I Learned in Food Micro

    Bacteria have these flagella
    That spin like a little propella.
    They'll swim for a while
    Up a river of bile
    To your liver, which makes you turn yella.

    Entamoeba

    Nasty little protozoa
    Living in my lower bowel
    Make my gut like Krakatoa
    Paper's no good: use a towel!

biology
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    From: neve@up.univ-mrs.fr (Gabriel NEVE)

    Behold the mighty dinosaur,
    Famous in prehistoric lore,
    Not only for his power and strength,
    But for his intellectual length.
    You will observe from these remains
    The creature had two sets of brains;
    One in his head, the usual place,
    The other at his spinal base.
    Thus he could reason a priori
    As well as a posteriori.
    No problem bothered him a bit
    He made both head and tail of it.
    So wise was he, so wise and solemn,
    Each thought filled a spinal column.
    If one brain found the pressure strong
    It passed a few ideas along;
    If something slipped his forward mind,
    'T was rescued by the one behind.

    Source forgotten.

biology
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    From: Aliquotes iv.xi (journal) (rogerb@microsoft.com)
                                 Foment of Ferment
                               By Wm. Shakespipette

    They would heva bleached hereafter.
    There would have been a time for such a growth.
    E. coli and E. coli and E. coli
    swirls in his petty flask from day to day
    to the last sample of recorded density
    And all our protocols have lighted fools
    the way to frothy death.  Out, out brief culture!
    Life's but a tepid incubator, a poor plater
    that dabs and streaks his colony upon the stage
    and then is grown no more; it is a thesis
    told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
    signifying nothing.
    Thou comest to mouth pipette; thy inoculum quickly.

chemistry biology
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    From: Aliquotes iv.xii (journal) (rogerb@microsoft.com)
    Special Category: Linus Pauling
    Special Category: Christmas Science Jokes

        THE NIGHT BEFORE DEFENCE
       (or A Visit From Citrate)

    Twas the night before defence, when all through te lab
    Not a gel box was shaking, with stain or with MAb;
    The columns were hung in the cold room with care,
    In hopes that my protein, I soon could prepare;

    The post-docs were nestled all smug in their beds,
    While extracts of barley muddled their heads;
    With the tech in the suburbs and PI the same,
    I had just settled down to another video game.

    When out of the fridge there arose such a clatter
    I sprang from the terminal to see what was the matter.
    Away to the cold box, I flew like a flash
    But the stench was o'erpowering and I threw up beef hash.

    The mould on the dampest of walls were cold
    Had the softness of kittens only seven weeks old;
    When what to my view, a thing I despise
    But a half eaten sandwich and four tiny mice;

    With a little old scientist, so lively and galling,
    I knew at a glance was Linus Pauling.
    More vapid than undergrads, his charges they came,
    And he whistled, and shouted, and called them rude names.

    "Now, Watson! Now Francis! You strange little modellers!
    On Luria! On Bertani! You stupid old broth'lers!
    To the top of the bench, to the top of the wall!
    Purify! Purify! Purify all!"

    As dry heaves before the commitee meeting, bend
    A young student's body and his colon distend,
    So up their earlobes, acytes they grew,
    With a sack full of antibodies, their skin turning blue.

    And then, for a second, I heard from the 'fuge,
    An unbalanced rotor spinning something too huge.
    Where I put down my hand, to better hear the sound,
    Came the snapping of sparks from a wire sans ground.

    Pauling's hair was al wavy, and I thought I must be sick
    `Cause the curls in his hair looked just like a helix.
    On an arm load of oranges, he started to snack
    An I recalled his fetish with citrate, the quack.

    His eyes were all wrinkled, but the cheeks were yet red;
    Not too shabby for a man who was several years dead;
    The leer of his smile was just a tad scary
    And the snow on his rooftop made his head yet quite hairy;

    The end of a pipette, he held in his teeth
    And a pile of kimwipes lay around his big feet.
    He held a small vial of something quite gel-ly,
    A mercaptan no doubt, for it make him quite smelly.

    He changed `round the columns, adding to the confusion
    And I laughed to spite my own paranoid delusion.
    A wink of his eye and a rotation of his head,
    Told me whatever I drank would soon leave me dead.

    He spoke not a word, just buggered up my work,
    And dried all my resins, that silly old jerk.
    And separating his middle finger from first, fourth and third,
    That crazy, old bugger, just flipped me the bird.

    He grabbed up his cohorts and ran down the hall,
    And away they all flew, letting me take the fall.
    That is why, dear Commitee, I am sorry to say,
    I need a five year extension, starting today.

chemistry biology
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    From: "Cerberus" <Cerberus@The.Gates.To.Hades>
    A lab tech with acute constipation
    Found relief through centrifugation.
    At one thousand times mass,
    His tool flew out his ass,
    And he found both relief and elation.

biology
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    From: David Soriano <dsoriano1@charter.net>

    The Miller’s Song
                    by David Soriano

            The evolution of key events
           Bubblesol cycle the key reactor
             Atmospheric counterparts
       And include precipitated droplets.

                     Endless cycles
                    Of ebb and flow
    Fundamental and timeless assumptions
         Involving certain oceanic interactions.

               Common meeting ground
              Of clays and the organic
           Warm little ponds included
        Now wait for something to happen.

    ©D.S. 2002

biology
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       Amygdala Haiku

    Angst an almond space
    racing fight or flight pushes
    a pissed off man’s plight.

    -Mechelle De Craene

biology
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               Electrophoresis

    Heredity is gelled in electric shrink-wrap.
    The lines ban together black...gray...white.
    Dancing forward, upward they map,
    Chromosomes Cartesian marking each site.

    -Mechelle De Craene

biology
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           Spliced Haiku

    Might Mendel have split
    His peas, had he known the soup
    We were cooking up?

    -Mechelle De Craene

biology
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    From: Paul Briggs <gup65@shaw.ca>
             DNA limerick

    I’m the whole of my parts, so they say!
    And unique are my parts, DNA.
    They’re tiny in size,
    But they sure humanize
    My nature and features, óle!

biology
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    From: Phil Alexander <dd@philbo.cix.co.uk>
    http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/montypythonthemeaningoflife0.shtml
                                  The Genome Song

    Whenever school gets you down, Master Brown
    And science seems hard, or tough
    Biology's difficult, obtuse or daft
    And you feel that you've had quite enough...

    Just remember that you're living in a body that's inspiring
    And respiring with ten million million cells
    Each one is point-oh-five millimetres side to side
    And full of lots of types and kinds of organelles
    The nucleus is small - 100 nanometres tall
    We make millions of new ones every day
    And our chromosomes, it seems, contain 100,000 genes
    In a double-stranded helix DNA

    Our genome itself contains three billion base pairs
    Each one GC or AT side by side
    But just one-sixty millions, of those 3.2 billions
    Are actually encoding nucleotides
    To make one whole protein, it takes but a single gene
    Say, fifteen hundred nucleotide pairs
    And the whole genetic sequence has millions of billions
    Of permutations for our varied life on earth

    Our cells and DNA keep on dividing and dividing
    Mitosis makes a carbon-copy cell
    But so we can reproduce, some cells they will produce
    Meiotic'ly a haploid one as well
    Two haploids can combine, say, one of yours and one of mine
    To create uniquely sequenced DNA
    And with this replication comes occasional mutation, so
    Evolution comes about this way

    If you enjoyed this parody you can vote for it here:
    http://www.amiright.com/parody/80s/montypythonthemeaningoflife0.shtml

biology
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    From: Phil Alexander <dd@philbo.cix.co.uk>

    I've always wanted to do a Beatles parody about beetles - it seems somehow
    fitting.

    So this one is to the tune of "Come Together"

                   Coleoptera
                                   By Phil Alexander

    Here come old beetle, he got hard elytra
    He got six li'l legs and he got long antenna
    He does complete meta-mor-phoses
    Egg, then larva, pupa then imago (like bees)

    He soldier beetle, he one plum curculio
    He spot ladybird or stripy colerado
    He say - nothing 'cause beetles can't speak
    One thing I can tell you is he ain't got no beak
    Coleoptera
    Beetles - cause disease

    He one in four in ten of all Insecta
    But he ain't no cockroach 'cause they are blattaria
    He got no feet below his knee
    Anobiidae and Scotylus can spread tree disease
    Coleoptera
    Beetles - got six knees

    He roll a shit-wad, he one dumb dung-beetle
    He in muddy water he one hydrophilida
    He say - nothing, beetles STILL CAN'T SPEAK
    Lucky he can fly because he sure cannot ski
    Coleoptera
    Beetles - they ain't fleas

    If you enjoyed this parody you can vote for it here:
    http://www.amiright.com/parody/60s/thebeatles264.shtml

biology
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    From Anastasia Voight (Anastasia3rd@aol.com)
    Anastasia  Voight		June 6, 2003

    Truce

    In my life  I’ve gone full round
    With symbionts without and in.
    Recent science search has found
    Mine enemy is now my  friend
    To cherish,
    Not thrust aside, that would be churlish,
    Or worse yet murder. That would  be sin
    Against myself.  I must not  harm my local flora
    Or sabotage au natural fauna
    That line my nether gut.
    And  in my buccal gums do rut
    In ways that investigative minds  have sought
    To understand. And in a pedological way
    To say,
    We know something of  the prokaryote way.
    At times exchanging  information
    In what is to us peculiar play.
    The sexual configuration
    Of some involves their comrades dead.
    If done by  you  or I the dread
    Appellation
    Of necrophilia would apply.
    Instead,
    To call this awful carnality
    Is egocentric  judgementality.
    Think of those genes by death donated
    As  inheritance immediate,
    Legacy of novelty, most highly rated
    By the recipient who ate it,
    Who took it in and incorporated
    Only information   lacked.
    So useful is this  transformation,
    As is the pillic  conjugation
    Coupling some in celebration
    Of their  differences,
    Genetic nuances,
    And by such creation
    Continuing
    Their varying.
    Would that our  legations
    Would imitate this micro nation’s
    Frugality.
    Alak, our species legacy
    Is to acquire fulsomely
    Everything in quantity
    Then to squander  plethoricly.
    Meanwhile the very merry evolutionary
    Success microbically
    Keeps  us sound intestinally,
    Because their own reality
    Is to need us as their hosts.
    As ghosts
    We lack hospitality
    For most.
    So though they could
    Extinguish us, to do so would
    Minimize
    And compromise
    Their propagation.
    So humor me this congregation
    Upon and in my corporal station.
    Think you if you must
    Of multinational corporation
    And living trust,
    And be you glad  this coevolved  cooperation
    Leaves us free to contemplate
    Our own ephemeral mortal state
    To ignore and sublimate
    Knowledge that we are the plate
    And meat on which they dine
    (And mate.)

biology
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    From: brightice2001@yahoo.co.uk (Di Bright)

    Escape from reality?  A salutary lesson from the nursery rhymes

    http://www.planetark.com/dailynewsstory.cfm/newsid/12814/story.htm

                              Mary had a little germ,
                           its face was black as death.
                          And everywhere that Mary went,
                             it followed in her path.

                          She tried to get away from it,
                            and reach a distant planet.
                      But found that it had got there first,
                              and landed Mary in it.

                            And after many eons passed,
                           the Cosmos filled with Marys.
                        And too a myriad black-face germs,
                              all horrible and hairy.

                           So if you would a-Hawking go,
                              remember well my words.
                     While space was erstwhile full of stars,
                               well, now its full of
                      (I can't think of a word to rhyme here.
                      perhaps the reader can supply one .....
                          so to speak.)

New after last time posted (February 28, 2004) biology
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    From: stan kegel <kegel@fea.net>,  Puns of the weak

    		THE GERM

    	 A mighty creature is the germ,
    	 Though smaller than the pachyderm.
    	 His customary dwelling place
    	 Is deep within the human race.
    	 His childish pride he often pleases
    	 By giving people strange diseases.
    	 Do you, my poppet, feel infirm?
    	 You probably contain a germ.
    		(Ogdan Nash)

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 4. biology - general
- 4.1 biology poetry
- 4.2 biology quotes
- 4.3 biology puns
- 4.4 cloning
- 4.5 biochemistry
- 4.6 evolution
- 4.7 mice and rats
- 4.8 cell biology
- 4.9 bacteria

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