## 9. MISCELLANY

#### Subsections

- 9. miscellany - general
- 9.1 poetry
- 9.2 Einstein quotes
- 9.3 other quotes
- 9.4 terms and definitions
- 9.5 The Nerd test and other tests.
- 9.6 Murphy's law
- 9.7 proof methods

### 9.6 MURPHY'S LAW

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                             MURPHY'S LAWS

    THE PRIME AXIOM: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that
                         can go wrong, will.

     2.  If the possibility exists of several things going wrong, the one that
          will go wrong is the one that will do the most damage.
     3.  Everything will go wrong at one time.
          3.1 That time is always when you least expect it.
     4.  If nothing can go wrong, something will.
     5.  Nothing is as easy as it looks.
     6.  Everything takes longer than you think.
     7.  Left to themselves, things always go from bad to worse.
     8.  Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
     9.  Given the most inappropriate time for something to go wrong, that's
          when it will occur.
     10.  Mother Nature is a bitch.
          10.1 The universe is not indifferent to intelligence, it is actively
                hostile to it.
     11.  If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
          something.
     12.  If in any problem you find yourself doing an immense amount of work,
          the answer can be obtained by simple inspection.
     13.  Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to
          make it complex and wonderful.
     14.  If it doesn't fit, use a bigger hammer.
     15.  In an instrument or device characterized by a number of plus-or-minus
          errors, the total error will be the sum of all the errors adding in
          the same direction.
     16.  In any given calculation, the fault will never be placed if more than
          one person is involved.
          16.1 In any given discovery, the credit will never be properly placed
                if more than one person is involved.
     17.  All warranty and guarantee clauses become invalid upon payment of the
          final invoice.
     18.  Murphy's Law: "If there are two or more ways to do something, and one
          of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it."

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    From: Freek <frbrysse@vub.ac.be>
     "Proof of Murphy's Law: Murphy's Law cannot be proven, yet is correct, as
    when you try to prove Murphy's Law, you will see that the proof is
    incorrect. This is obviously due to Murphy's Law, therefore Murphy's Law is
    correct and proven."

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    From: "David van Duijne" <duinen@quicknet.nl>
     Murphy's Mother's Law: "My son was right..."

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                         GLASSER'S COROLLARY

         If, of the seven hours you spend at work, six hours and fifty-five
         minutes are spent working at your desk, and the rest of the time
         you throw the bull with your cubicle-mate, the time at which
         your supervisor will walk in and ask what you're doing can be
         determined to within five minutes.

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                  ZYMURGY'S SEVENTH EXCEPTION TO MURPHY'S LAWS
                          When it rains, it pours.

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                         JENKINSON'S LAW
                            It won't work.

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                O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAWS
                       Murphy was an optimist.

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    From: goble@infonaut.com (Clark Goble)
    As soon as you make something

    idiot-proof, along comes another idiot.
                -- Grave's Law

engineering
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                         LAWS RELATING TO DESIGN:
     1.  In any given price estimate, the cost of the equipment will exceed
          estimated expenditure by a factor of 3.
     2.  Dimensions will always be expressed in the least useable terms.  For
          example, velocity will be expressed in furlongs/fortnight.
     3.  If the breadbox trial model functions perfectly, the finished product
          will not percolate.
     4.  In a mathematical calculation, any error that can creep in, will.  It
          will be in the direction that will do the most damage to
          the calculation.
     5.  In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct,
          beyond all need of checking, contain the errors.
     6.  The probability of a dimension or value being omitted from a drawing
          is directly proportional to its importance.
     7.  In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
     8.  Information necessitating a change in design will be conveyed to the
          designer after, and only after, the plans are complete.
     9.  In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way vs.  one obvious
          wrong way, it is often wiser to choose the wrong way so as to
          expedite subsequent revisions.
     10.  The more innocuous a modification appears to be, the further its
          influence will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.

engineering
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                         LAWS RELATING TO ASSEMBLY:

     1.  If a project requires n components, there will be n-1 components
          available.
     2.  Interchangeable parts won't.
     3.  Components that must not and cannot be assembled improperly will be.
     4.  The most delicate component will be dropped.
     5.  The construction and operation manual will be discarded with the
          packing material.  The garbage truck will have picked it up
          five minutes before the mad dash to the rubbish can.
     6.  The necessity of making a major design change increases as the
          assembly and wiring of the unit approach completion.
     7.  THE LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITATION:
          A dropped tool will land where it will do the most damage.
     8.  A component selected at random from a group having a 99% reliability
          will be a member of the 1% group.
     9.  Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty
          of assembly.
     10.  The availability of a component is inversely proportional to the need
          for that component.
     11.  If a particular resistance is needed, that value will not be
    available.
          Furthermore, it cannot be developed with any series or parallel
          combination.
     12.  After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be
    found
          on the bench.

engineering
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            LAWS RELATING TO WIRING, TEST, AND OPERATION:

     1.  Any wire cut to length will be too short.
     2.  Milliammeters will be connected across the power source, voltmeters in
          series with it.
     3.  The probability of an error in the schematic is directly proportional
          to the trouble it can cause.
     4.  Identical units tested under identical conditions will not be
    identical
          on the final test after being buried under other components and
    wiring.
     5.  A self starting oscillator won't.
     6.  A crystal oscillator will oscillate at the wrong frequency -- if it
          oscillates at all.
     7.  A p-n-p transistor will be found to be an n-p-n.
     8.  A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
     9.  If a circuit cannot fail, it will.
     10.  A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by
          blowing first.
     11.  Probability of failure of a component is inversely proportional to
    the
          ease of repair or replacement.
     12.  A KEY RULE OF STARFLEET OPERATIONS:
          Some idiot has left open the number two impulse vent.(Check the
          position of all switches, knobs, and dials before turning on a piece
          of equipment. Both you and the equipment will live longer.)

engineering
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             LAWS CONCERNING TROUBLE SHOOTING:

     1. After the 24th cabinet-to-chassis screw has been removed to replace the
        under chassis fuse, it will be observed that the line cord plug has
        become disengaged from the a.c. receptacle.
     2. After the 24th cabinet-to-chassis screw has been replaced, the driver
         tube will be found under the schematic on the bench.
     3. The bleeder resistor will quit discharging the filter capacitors as the
        operator reaches into the power supply enclosure.

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                           ALLEN'S AXIOM
                   When all else fails, read the directions.

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                         GUNNERSEN'S LAW
    The probability of a given event is inversely proportional to it's
    desirability.

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                         MESKIMEN'S LAW
         There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.

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                         JONES'S LAW
    The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can
    blame it on.

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                         LORD FALKLAND'S RULE
    When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a
    decision.

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                         GUMMIDGE'S LAW
       The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of
       statements understood by the general public.

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                         SATTINGER'S LAW
                  It works better if you plug it in.

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                      THE LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE
    You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to
    butter.

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    Special Category: Old scientists never die...
                 ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS
      Once you open a can of worms, the only way you can recan them is to use a
      larger can.  (Old worms never die; they just worm their way into larger
      cans.)

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                         OSBORN'S LAW
                 Variables won't, constants aren't.

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                         THE SNAFU EQUATIONS
    1.  Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.
    2.  The object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
    3.  The device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
    4.  In any human eneavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and
         failed, there will be one solution, simple, obvious, and highly
         visible to everyone else.
    5.  Badness comes in waves.

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    1) Hofstadter's Law: "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you
       take Hofstadter's Law into account."

    2) Morton's Law: "If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer."

    3) Epstein's Axiom: "With extremely few exceptions, nothing is worth
            the trouble."

    4) Mathis' Rule: "It is bad luck to be superstitious."

    5) Laura's Law: "No child throws up in the bathroom."

    6) "If there is a opinion, facts will be found to support it."
                            -- Judy Sproles.

    7) "Rich folks get more strokes."  -- Greg Beil.

    8) "If A = B and B = C, then A = C except where void or prohibited by law".
                            -- Roy Santoro.

    9) Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: "It's on the other side."
                            -- Doug Preudhomme

    10) "Anything that happens enough times to irritate you will happen at
            least once more."  -- Tom Parkins

    11) Slick's Three Laws of the Universe: "(1) Nothing in the known universe
            travels faster than a bad check.  (2) A quarter-ounce of
            chocolate = four pounds of fat.  (3) There are two types of dirt:
            the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light
            kind, which is attracted to dark objects."
                                    -- Ely Slick

    12) The two laws of Frisbee: "(1) The most powerful force in the world is
            that of a disc straining to land under a car, just out of reach
            (this force is technically termed 'car suck'); (2) Never precede
            any maneuver by a comment more predictive than 'Watch this!'"

    13) (Sam) Goldwyn's Law: "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's
            printed on."

    14)(Murray) Gell-Mann's Law: "Whatever isn't forbidden is required; thus,
    if there's no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist."

    15) (Mark) Twain's Rule: "Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworms
            have the right to use the editorial 'we'."

    16) "Bodies in motion tend to remain in motion. Bodies at rest tend to
            remain in bed."  -- Dave Tewksbury

    17) Hurewitz's Memory Principle: "The chance of forgetting something is
            directly proportional to....to....."
                                    -- Lane Hurewitz

    18) Corry's Law: "Paper is always strongest at the perforations."
                                    -- Carolyn M. Corry

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    From: joeshmoe@world.std.com (Jascha Franklin-Hodge) (List of Taglines)

    Any wire cut to length will be too short.
    1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts
    If it's not going to plan, maybe there never was a plan.
    If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
    Knowing Murphy's Law won't help either.
    From: Ian Ellis <ian@iglou.com>
    Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.

physics
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    From: "Ian C. Dengler" <cargan@delrio.com>

                      Murphy's Ten Laws for String Theorists:

    (1) If you fix a mistake in a mathematical superstring calculation, another
    one will show up somewhere else.

    (2) If your results are based on the work of others, then one such work will
    turn out to be wrong. (3) The longer your article, the more likely your
    computer hard disk drive will fail while you are typing the references.

    (4) The better your research result, the more likely it will be rejected by
    the referee of a journal; on the other hand, if your work is wrong but not
    obviously so, it will be accepted for publication right away.

    (5) If a result seems to good to be true, it is unless you are one of the
    top ten string theorists in the world. (By the way, these theorists refer to
    their results as "string miracles".)

    (6) Your most startling string-theoretic theorem will turn out to be valid
    in only two spatial dimensions or less.

    (7) When giving a string seminar, nobody will follow anything you say after
    the first minute, but, if miraculously someone does, then that person will
    point out a flaw in your reasoning half-way through your talk and what will
    be worse is that your grant review officer will happen to be in the
    audience.

    (8) For years, nobody will ever notice the fudge factors in your
    calculations, but when you come up for tenure they will surface like fish
    being tossed fresh breadcrumbs.

    (9) If you are a graduate student working on string theory, then the field
    will be dead by the time you get your Ph.D.; Even worse, if you start over
    with a new thesis topic, the new field will also be dead by the time you get
    your Ph.D.

    (10) If you discover an interesting string model, then it will predict at
    least one low-energy, observable particle not seen in Nature.

    In summary, anything in string theory that theoretically can go wrong will
    go wrong, but if nothing does go theoretically wrong, then experimentally it
    is ruled out.

    See explanation String Theory Jokes:
    Physics 10: String theory is a unification model based on the idea that all
    elementary particles are different vibrations of a microscopic string.
    Concerning (6), string theories are formulated in various numbers of spatial
    dimensions, of which nine is the most popular. Concerning (10), the phase
    "low-energy, observable particle" means that current accelerators are
    capable of producing and detecting it.

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    From: "PAUL ROBERT VARLEY" <VAR14084@gorseinon.ac.uk>

    Varley's Laws of Model Railway Operation (some rather specific cases of
    Murphy)

    Zeroth Law: An engine will always derail at the least accessible part of
    the line.

    First Law: Engines have two operating speeds: Too Fast and Stop.

    Second Law: You only discover the loose fishplate _after_ you nail the
    track down.

    Third Law: The likelihood of an object falling over is directly
    proportional to the number of times you've had to stand it up again.

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    From: "Steven Sweeney" <ssweeney@tspan.net>

    A 900 dollar (name your component) will blow just in time to save a 10 cent
    fuse.

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    From: Néstor Carrizosa <ncarrizosa@prodigy.net.mx>

    When you have a mess in your home; it is for sure you will have a
    unannounced visit of your parents

    Néstor Carrizosa

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    From: "Michael A. Covington" <Michael@CovingtonInnovations.com>

    Covington's Corollary to Murphy's Law
    (formulated 1974, not posted on the net until now)

    The particular corollary, instance, or theorem of Murphy's Law most
    applicable to the situation at hand is the one you can't remember.

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    From : tomas_thefox2003@yahoo.ie (Tomas Fuchsbauer)

    Here is my personal observation of World Events : Everything (tangible and
    intangible) in the Universe can be explained through using a form of
    Murphy’s Laws.

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    Special Category: Why the chicken crossed the road according to scientists
    From: Stan Kegel <kegel@fea.net>
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Murphy: The chicken will invariably cross the road at the worst possible
    time and the worst possible place.

    (2) The chicken had a bad day.

    (3) The more the chicken wants to cross the road the more likely traffic
    gets heavier.

    (4) When the chicken finally gives it up traffic stops instantaneously.

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 9. miscellany - general
- 9.1 poetry
- 9.2 Einstein quotes
- 9.3 other quotes
- 9.4 terms and definitions
- 9.5 The Nerd test and other tests.
- 9.6 Murphy's law
- 9.7 proof methods

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