## 2. PHYSICS

#### Subsections

- 2. physics - general
- 2.1 physics poetry
- 2.2 physics quotes
- 2.3 physics puns
- 2.4 pseudo physics (cat physics, cartoon physics)
- 2.5 new physical theories
- 2.6 learning physics
- 2.7 not learning physics (featuring Heavy Boots)
- 2.8 physical proofs
- 2.9 physical one-liners
- 2.10 quantum mechanics (starring Schroedingers cat!)
- 2.11 relativity
- 2.12 measure the height of a building with help of a barometer
- 2.13 physicists
- 2.14 astronomy
- 2.15 electrons
- 2.16 electro-magnetism and light
- 2.17 Newtons's laws and classical dynamics
- 2.18 thermodynamics
- 2.19 in the lab
- 2.20 strange but real findings
- 2.21 the buttered bread on cat problem

### 2.15 ELECTRONS

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physics
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    From: ac593@freenet.buffalo.edu
    SUBATOMIC PARTICLE STORE

    The subatomic particle store had a sale last week.

       Electrons:  $0.10
       Protons  :  $0.10
       Neutrons :  free of charge

physics
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                 THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON (with unhappy ending)

    One night when his charge was at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to
    get a cute little coil to discharge him.  He picked up Millie Amp and
    took her for a ride on his megacycle.  They rode across the wheat stone
    bridge, around the sine wave, and into the magnetic field next to the
    flowing current.

    Micro Farad, attracted by Millie's characteristic curve, soon had her
    field fully excited.  He laid her on the ground potential, raised her
    frequency, lowered her resistance, and pulled out his high voltage
    probe.  He inserted it in parallel and began to short circuit her shunt.
    Fully excited, Millie cried out, "ohm, ohm, give me mho".  With his tube
    at maximum output and her coil vibrating from the current flow, her
    shunt soon reached maximum heat.  The excessive current had shorted her
    shunt, and Micro's capacity was rapidly discharged, and every electron
    was drained off.  They fluxed all night, tried various connections and
    hookings until his bar magnet had lost all of its strength, and he could
    no longer generate enough voltage to sustain his collapsing field.  With
    his battery fully discharged, Micro was unable to excite his tickler, so
    they ended up reversing polarity and blowing each other's fuses.

physics
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    From: Marcel Melters <mac@mcc.iaehv.nl>
                 THE SEX LIFE OF AN ELECTRON ( with happy ending)

    One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro Farad went to see
    if he could find a cute little coil to let him discharge.
    He picked up Milli Amp, and took her for a ride on his Megacycle.
    They rode accross the wheatstone bridge, along the sine wave and
    stopped at a magnetic field flowing with current.
    Micro Farad soon had her resistance at a minimum level. They laid
    against ground level. Micro Farad then inserted his probe in Milli
    Amps socket. Mho, Mho, give me Mho, she said.
    They fluxed all night, trying out various connections.
    Afterwards Milli Amp tried self-induction and damaged her probe.
    After this, they went home and oscillated happily ever after.

physics
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    From: "Jay Billings" <jay.billings@verizon.net>

    Why do all the other subatomic particles hate the electrons - they are
    so negative

physics
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    Special Category: Definitions and terms

    From: "Steve" <sacoffman@bsu.edu>

    Definition of "electron"?
    What the US did in 1980 and 1984. (Ronald Reagan)

physics
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    From: Lewis Liu <nukerliu@yahoo.com>

    A lonely hydrogen ion sees a helium atom and walks up to him and scolds,
    "Hey, you shouldn't practice polygomy on those poor electrons, it's not
    attractive you know?"  And the helium atom laughs and says, "Well, at least
    i get to keep them!"

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 2. physics - general
- 2.1 physics poetry
- 2.2 physics quotes
- 2.3 physics puns
- 2.4 pseudo physics (cat physics, cartoon physics)
- 2.5 new physical theories
- 2.6 learning physics
- 2.7 not learning physics (featuring Heavy Boots)
- 2.8 physical proofs
- 2.9 physical one-liners
- 2.10 quantum mechanics (starring Schroedingers cat!)
- 2.11 relativity
- 2.12 measure the height of a building with help of a barometer
- 2.13 physicists
- 2.14 astronomy
- 2.15 electrons
- 2.16 electro-magnetism and light
- 2.17 Newtons's laws and classical dynamics
- 2.18 thermodynamics
- 2.19 in the lab
- 2.20 strange but real findings
- 2.21 the buttered bread on cat problem

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