## 1. MATHEMATICS

#### Subsections

- 1. mathematics - general
- 1.1 proofs
- 1.2 statistics and statisticians
- 1.3 mathematicians
- 1.4 mathematics poetry
- 1.5 mathematics quotes
- 1.6 mathematic puns
- 1.7 mathematical terms
- 1.8 mathematical exams
- 1.9 learning mathematics
- 1.10 mathematical tests to take
- 1.11 mathematical equations
- 1.12 topology
- 1.13 numbers
- 1.14 set theory
- 1.15 functions

### 1.15 FUNCTIONS

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mathematics
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The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" And the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e^x."

mathematics
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A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!" -- at which point the new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."

mathematics
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A function and a differentiation operator meet somewhere in Hilbert space. The differentation operator: Make place or I differentiate you.

Function: Forget it buster, I am e^x.

The differentation operator: Well, I am d/dy.

mathematics
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    From: Joe English (jenglish@flightlab.com)

    Then there was the crackpot category theoretician
    who thought he was a catamorphism operation.
    He'd walk around the psych ward with a pair of bananas,
    which he'd hold up around the other patients
    and giggle maniacally.

    Once he did this to the resident hypochondriac
    (who was convinced he was in the final stages
    of inoperable brain cancer), but it didn't seem
    to bother him.

    "What are you doing?" he asked.

    "I'm constructing a unique arrow," said the crackpot,
    "with YOU as its target!"

    "So what's the big deal about that?" said the hypochondriac.
    "I'm terminal."

      (Of course, this joke is only funny if the
       mental hospital is Cartesian Closed...)

mathematics
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    From: Jasper Stein <stein@fys.ruu.nl>

A constant function and e^x are walking on Broadway. Then suddenly the constant function sees a differential operator approaching and runs away. so e to-the x follows him and asks why the hurry.

"Well, you see, there's this diff.operator coming this way, and when we meet, he'll differentiate me and nothing will be left of me...!"

"Ah," says e^x, "he won't bother ME, I'm e to-the x!" and he walks on. Of course he meets the differential operator after a short distance.

e^x : "Hi, I'm e^x"

diff.op. : "Hi, I'm d/dy"

mathematics
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First of all let me make it clear that I have nothing against contravariant functors. Some of my best friends are cohomology theories! But now you aren't supposed to call them contravariant anymore. It's Algebraically Correct to call them 'differently arrowed'!!

In the same way that transcendental numbers are polynomially challenged?

Manifolds are personifolds (humanifolds).

Neighborhoods are neighbor victims of society.

It's the Asian Remainder Theorem.

It isn't PC to use "singularity" - the function is "convergently challenged" there.

mathematics
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    If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?

mathematics
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    From mrm@ama.caltech.edu Fri Apr 28 07:37:02 1995
     (visual joke)
     Person A) "What is this?" as she rubs her hand over an invisible level
       flat surface
     Person B) "I dunno"
     Person A) "It's the Fourier Transform of this" as she gives him The Finger

mathematics
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    From: Aniko Szabo <aniko.szabo@hci.utah.edu>

"Consider the quartic polynomial 'a x^4 + b x^3 + c x^2 + d x + e', where 'e' is not necessarily the Euler constant"

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 1. mathematics - general
- 1.1 proofs
- 1.2 statistics and statisticians
- 1.3 mathematicians
- 1.4 mathematics poetry
- 1.5 mathematics quotes
- 1.6 mathematic puns
- 1.7 mathematical terms
- 1.8 mathematical exams
- 1.9 learning mathematics
- 1.10 mathematical tests to take
- 1.11 mathematical equations
- 1.12 topology
- 1.13 numbers
- 1.14 set theory
- 1.15 functions

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