## 4. BIOLOGY

#### Subsections

- 4. biology - general
- 4.1 biology poetry
- 4.2 biology quotes
- 4.3 biology puns
- 4.4 cloning
- 4.5 biochemistry
- 4.6 evolution
- 4.7 mice and rats
- 4.8 cell biology
- 4.9 bacteria

### 4.9 BACTERIA

Index | Comments and Contributions | previous page

biology
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From Aliquotes Volume V Number vii July/97 (rogerb@microsoft.com)
                                   CATS AND BUGS

    Life as a graduate student or other student can get kind of lonely and it
    would be nice to be able to go home to a loved one who is excited to see
    you.  Having such a bizarre life style can cause problems though as pet
    ownership is a big responsibility.  Thus, we at Aliquotes, would like to
    make a suggestion which we hope will ease those lonely nights.  The
    following is a list of reasons why one might consider having bacteria as
    pets as opposed to the more traditional cat.  We hope that this is of
    assistance.

    1.  A numbers game:  To get more cats (why you would want them is another
    question), you need at least two of the opposite sex.  With bacteria, one
    will set you up for life.

    2.  Sleepless nights:  Unlike cats, bacteria do not go into heat and will
    keep you awake all night crying for a little fun.

    3.  Low maintenance:  There is no litter box to change and bacteria can be
    easily fed by adding more sugar to their medium.

    4.  Vacation consideration: Bacteria do not require a neighbour's attention
    while you're away.  Just put them in the fridge and they'll stay fresh.
    This can also be done with cats but is heavily frown upon.

    5.  Life in a vacuum:  While bacteria are also covered with hair (cilia),
    but on a microscopic level, they do not feel the need to leave said hairs
    all over the place.

    6.  Exercise your rights:  You do not need to put your bacteria out for
    exercise.  Simply put them in a large flask and shake them for a few
    hours.  They are also easier to round up by using the centrifuge.

    7.  Death before dishonour:  Bacteria will not bring dead animals into your
    house, displaying them proudly at dinner.  At worst a renegade bacterium
    will keep you in the bathroom for a few days.

    8.  Scratching the surface:  Washing a bacterial pellet does not require a
    knowledge of the martial arts and will not leave you with scar tissue.

    9.  I can see clearly now:  It is rare when you cannot see the TV screen
    because of a bacterium sleeping on top, dangling its legs.  If this is a
    problem, it typically implies that you should spend a little more on your
    next TV set.

    10. Feeling a little flushed:  A bacterium is less likely to clog your
    toilet when it dies, causing a $500 plumbing bill.

biology
[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From: mike@tao.eco.twg.com (Mike Bartman)

    These two positive-strain E-Coli go into a bar. The first one says, "I'm so
    thirsty I could suck the cytoplasm off a Bacillis Anthrax' pilli!" and the
    second one says, "Moooo!!!"

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 4. biology - general
- 4.1 biology poetry
- 4.2 biology quotes
- 4.3 biology puns
- 4.4 cloning
- 4.5 biochemistry
- 4.6 evolution
- 4.7 mice and rats
- 4.8 cell biology
- 4.9 bacteria

Member of the Science Humor Net Ring
[ Previous 5 Sites | Previous | Next | Next 5 Sites ]
[ Random Site | List Sites ]

Hit Statistics