## 8. ACADEMIC LIFE

#### Subsections

- 8. academic life - general
- 8.1 rules for research
- 8.2 rules for writing an article
- 8.3 academic life poetry
- 8.4 research quotes
- 8.5 publish and explanation quotes
- 8.6 In the classroom
- 8.7 graduate students
- 8.8 exams
- 8.9 love life
- 8.10 students
- 8.11 staff
- 8.12 remarkable academic institutes

### 8.3 ACADEMIC LIFE POETRY

Index | Comments and Contributions | previous page

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From: Aliquotes iv.vi (journal) (rogerb@microsoft.com)
                                    AS THEY LIKE IT
                                 By: Wm Shakespipette

    All the world's a lab,
    And all the men and women merely subjects:
    They have theri theses and exams,
    And one doc in his time plans many experiments
    His notes in seven stages.  At first the _undergrad_,
    mewlink and puking at the frat house jams.
    And then the winning _doctorate_, with his papers
    And statistical analysis, doing just enough
    If only to graduate.  And then the _postdoc_,
    Wailing like hell, with a woeful ballad
    Of experiments gone sour.  Then _assoicate prof_,
    Full of strange theories and requiring a tech,
    Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in temper,
    Seeking the bubble reputation
    While kissing the chairman's butt.  And then the _tenure_,
    In fair round belly with good postdocs lined,
    With eyes severe and pen to thesis cut,
    Full of wise saws and forgotten techniques;
    And so he plays his part.  The sixt stage shifts
    To the lean and slippered _chair_
    With spectacles on nose and job on the side,
    His theories of youth, well saved, a world to weird
    For his shrunk grant; and so his "go get'em" attitude
    Turning again towards mild caution, tempered
    Theories all around.  Last scene of all,
    That ends this strange eventful history,
    Is status _emeritus_ and mere oblivion,
    sans students, sans postdocs, sans grants, sans everything.

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From Hello i'm an Alien (TiddyOgg@half.co.ck)
    My son stood alone with head bowed.
    On his thesis he pondered aloud:
    "It's quite good, it's true,
    But what can I do,
    To make it stand out from the crowd."

    My answer, I'm sure you'll surmise,
    He greeted with some great surprise:
    "Compose it young Jim,
    In the form of a lim,
    You'll be sure to achieve a great prize."

    Tiddy Ogg.
    cf. "The Application Of Polymeric Compounds In High Temperature
    Spectroscopy." by JamesGawain Ogg, University of Rockall, 1998.

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From:         "Zine" <jrasmuss@iupui.edu>
           JABBERWOCKY A LA ACADEME

    'Twas spring break, and the student droves
      Did drink and snorkle in Florida:
    Most times mainly without clothes,
      And their Lit and Math ignorida.

    "Beware the Professor, my son!
      The jaws that lecture, the hands that grade!
    Beware the Teaching Assistant: shun!
      And the frumpy Librarian evade!"

    He took his laptop computer in hand:
      Long time the passing grade he sought--
    But rested he in lecture-hall dreamland,
      and dreamed awhile of nought.

    And, while in daydreamy thought he drooled,
     The Professor, with sinusitis a flame,
    Came sniffling into the lecture hall,
     And teaching as he came!

    One, two! One, two! And through and through
     The Prof wrote theorem, lemma, proof!
    But alas, the laptop battery went dead
     and all the notes went "poof."

    "And hast thou pleased the Professor?
     Come to my arms, my Baccalaureate boy!
    O Graduation day!" But "Student loans to
     pay," his son replied without joy.

    'Twas spring break, and the unemployed droves
     Did drink and snorkle in Florida:
    Most times mainly without clothes,
     And their resumes ignorida.

    --
    If you forward this messsage, please include this as the source:
    "S k e w !  a journal on the rrragged edge of academe"
    http://psychology.iupui.edu/skew/splash.htm

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From: LBlades595@aol.com (Lucy Blades)

    Now I lay me down to study,
    I pray the Lord I won't go nutty.
    If I should fail to learn this junk
    I pray the Lord I shall not flunk.
    If I do, don't pity me at all;
    Just lay my bones in the exam hall,
    Tell the teacher I did my best,
    Then pile my books upon my chest.
    Now I lay me down to rest
    I pray I'll pass tomorrow's test
    And if I should die before I wake,
    That's one less test I'll have to take.
    Amen.

    By Lucy Blades.

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From:         Nik Synytskyy <u1644126@csi.uottawa.ca>
    On a lecture this lim`ric was written
    With boredom the author was smitten
        `Cause Pascal does suck
        Our TA is a shmuck
    Who by mad dogs was surely bitten.

    There was a bored student in Ottawa
    Who during a lecture once gottago
        But being embarrased
        His nature he harnessed
    In the end he has met his um... WATERloo

    Our TA has tried to be slick
    Tried to write an applet with a glick
        But he got all crashed
        The appled has crashed
    Entirely screwing the trick.

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    Grant, oh God, Thy benedictions
    on my theory's predictions
    Lest the facts, when verified,
    Show Thy servant to have lied.

    May they make me B.Sc.
      A Ph. D. and then
    A D. Sc., and F. R. S.
      A Times Obit. Amen.

    Oh, Lord, I pray, forgive me please,
      My unsuccesful syntheses,
    Tho know'st, of course -- in Thy position --
      I'm up angainst such competition.

    Let not the hardened Editor,
      With referee to quote,
    Cut all may explanation out
      And print it as a Not.

       - Researcher's prayer, from: R.L. Weber (ed.), A random walk in Science,
         the Institute of Physics, London, 1973,1974,1975.

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From: "Thomasson, Dave" <dave.thomasson@HERITAGE.ORG>
    True story: Benjamin Jowett, probably best known for his translations of
    Plato's Dialogues, posted the following poem on his office door at Oxford
    so his students wouldn't mispronounce his name:

    My name is Benjamin Jowett;
    What ever is known, I know it.
    I'm the master of this college;
    What I know not is not knowledge.

[Top of page] [Bottom of page] [Index] [Send comment]

    From: "*G - P*" <G*P@G*P.Com>

    There once was an old man of Esser,
    Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
    It at last grew so small
    He knew nothing at all,
    And now he's a college professor.

next page | Index | Comments and Contributions

#### Subsections

- 8. academic life - general
- 8.1 rules for research
- 8.2 rules for writing an article
- 8.3 academic life poetry
- 8.4 research quotes
- 8.5 publish and explanation quotes
- 8.6 In the classroom
- 8.7 graduate students
- 8.8 exams
- 8.9 love life
- 8.10 students
- 8.11 staff
- 8.12 remarkable academic institutes

Member of the Science Humor Net Ring
[ Previous 5 Sites | Previous | Next | Next 5 Sites ]
[ Random Site | List Sites ]

Hit Statistics