# science jokes

### Version 7.41.3 Time-stamp: "March 20, 2004". This page made on 20-03-04

Science humor collected by Joachim Verhagen (sciencejokes@xs4all.nl)

    "Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease
    to be amused."

    This is a collection of more than 2500 scientific jokes from Usenet, or
    mailed or told to me.  You are free to read and use them on the net or in
    conversation.  Please keep the original author, copyright information and
    sender when you use them; mentioning this list is optional.

    The latest version is available from FTP and WWW:
    WWW: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/
    WWW: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/sjhtml.zip (html-format, about 1.5M)
    WWW: http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/scijokes.zip (ASCII format, about
    900k)

    Send comments and contributions (especially contributions) to:
    sciencejokes@xs4all.nl (Joachim Verhagen).  You will be acknowledged with
    your name and e-mail adress (and/or your webpage if you prefer that.)  If
    you have a science humor webpage you can add it to the science humor
    webring at http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scihum/webring.html .

### Contents

- Acknowledgements
- Search the science jokes
- New or changed jokes since after last time posted (February 28, 2004)
- New or changed jokes for this week
- Special categories
  - Jokes with famous scientists
  - quotations
  - poetry (more rhymes, limerics, diddles)
  - quizes and tests to do
  - Old scientists never die...
  - Why the chicken crossed the road according to scientists
  - Scientists do it...
  - You might be a scientist if...
  - Famous last words
  - Afterlife
  - Top Reasons
  - How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb
  - Definitions and terms
  - Christmas Science Jokes
- 1. mathematics
  - 1.1 proofs
  - 1.2 statistics and statisticians
  - 1.3 mathematicians
  - 1.4 mathematics poetry
  - 1.5 mathematics quotes
  - 1.6 mathematic puns
  - 1.7 mathematical terms
  - 1.8 mathematical exams
  - 1.9 learning mathematics
  - 1.10 mathematical tests to take
  - 1.11 mathematical equations
  - 1.12 topology
  - 1.13 numbers
  - 1.14 set theory
  - 1.15 functions
- 2. physics
  - 2.1 physics poetry
  - 2.2 physics quotes
  - 2.3 physics puns
  - 2.4 pseudo physics (cat physics, cartoon physics)
  - 2.5 new physical theories
  - 2.6 learning physics
  - 2.7 not learning physics (featuring Heavy Boots)
  - 2.8 physical proofs
  - 2.9 physical one-liners
  - 2.10 quantum mechanics (starring Schroedingers cat!)
  - 2.11 relativity
  - 2.12 measure the height of a building with help of a barometer
  - 2.13 physicists
  - 2.14 astronomy
  - 2.15 electrons
  - 2.16 electro-magnetism and light
  - 2.17 Newtons's laws and classical dynamics
  - 2.18 thermodynamics
  - 2.19 in the lab
  - 2.20 strange but real findings
  - 2.21 the buttered bread on cat problem
- 3. chemistry
  - 3.1 chemistry poetry
  - 3.2 chemistry quotes
  - 3.3 chemical puns
  - 3.4 in the lab
  - 3.5 chemical dictionary
  - 3.6 chemists
  - 3.7 elements
  - 3.8 H20
- 4. biology
  - 4.1 biology poetry
  - 4.2 biology quotes
  - 4.3 biology puns
  - 4.4 cloning
  - 4.5 biochemistry
  - 4.6 evolution
  - 4.7 mice and rats
  - 4.8 cell biology
  - 4.9 bacteria
- 5. earth sciences
  - 5.1 geology
  - 5.2 meteorology
- 6. the mathematician, the physicist and the engineer (and others)
  - 6.1 the locked room and the tin can
  - 6.2 fire
- 7. combined sciences
  - 7.1 combined sciences poetry
  - 7.2 compare scientists (using lions, elephants, primes etc.)
  - 7.3 remarkable scientific sayings from school children and students
- 8. academic life
  - 8.1 rules for research
  - 8.2 rules for writing an article
  - 8.3 academic life poetry
  - 8.4 research quotes
  - 8.5 publish and explanation quotes
  - 8.6 In the classroom
  - 8.7 graduate students
  - 8.8 exams
  - 8.9 love life
  - 8.10 students
  - 8.11 staff
  - 8.12 remarkable academic institutes
- 9. miscellany
  - 9.1 poetry
  - 9.2 Einstein quotes
  - 9.3 other quotes
  - 9.4 terms and definitions
  - 9.5 The Nerd test and other tests.
  - 9.6 Murphy's law
  - 9.7 proof methods
- 10. anecdotes about famous scientists
- 11. mnemonics
  - 11.1 mnemonics
  - 11.2 mathematics
  - 11.3 computer science
  - 11.4 physics
  - 11.5 chemistry
  - 11.6 biology and medicine
  - 11.7 earth sciences
  - 11.8 miscellany
- 12. pranks and accidents
  - 12.1 mathematics
  - 12.2 burning metals
  - 12.3 accidents
- 13. sources of science humor on and off the net
  - 13.1 mathematics
  - 13.2 physics
  - 13.3 chemistry
  - 13.4 biology and medicine
  - 13.5 earth sciences
  - 13.6 scientists

Enjoy -- Joachim Verhagen

Member of the Science Humor Net Ring
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